心闷

不喜欢心闷的感觉
很不是滋味的感觉
我讨厌这感觉
请不要缠着我好吗
我不能支撑了
就不要来打扰我了
没人陪我
没人理我
最终我还是回到原点
孤零零一个人
很累了
还是很多要做
算了
都算了。。。。。
我就慢慢的沉入堕落的谷底吧
至少看不见，听不到
什么都是黑暗。。。。

循环

鱼和水的故事有许多版本，有幸福的，也有悲哀的！
它所传达的意义，就是爱情！
忠贞伟大的爱情。
许多人都希望自己能够拥有一场轰轰烈烈的爱情，
但却忘了那平凡的幸福。
难道一定要惊天动地泣鬼神
才称得上真爱？
追求，何必！
向往，何必！
安安稳稳，自在，逍遥！

《循环》

一颗小豆子
坠落于一片荒野上
面对着无限的杂草
无限的陌生
无限的颤抖
这是哪里？
我不知！
谁在？
没人！

春夏秋冬
尘封着自己
不愿探头摸索
这不是我的世界
我怕！
但愿有一天
属于我的伯乐
回到来！
等候！
守着！

一日复一日
杂草
像汹涌的海浪
覆盖着小豆子
滚滚的红泥
风尘着它
万物无视于他

但，
暖风
发觉了他
暖风轻轻地拨开草帘
吹散身上的尘土，蜘蛛丝
暖暖的在他耳边
喃喃细语
“豆豆啊，此刻不醒，更待何时”

暖风
放弃了自由
放弃了游荡
昼夜不分的
守候着这刻小豆子
春夏秋冬
都以适当的温度
加以呵护！

小豆子有了信心
小豆子有了希望
他决定发芽了
他决定重生了

小豆子慢慢的探头眺望
开始享受这个世界
天空白白的云
在向他微笑
原来
爱

他
身边
不只风
还有白云
守候着他呢

慢慢的
从一颗小豆子
发芽了，
有了第一片叶子
有了第一朵花
有了第一粒果实
他
成功了
他是一棵大树了
放眼下去
以前
曾经欺负他的杂草
都仰头看着他
回忆啊
成长啊
没了他们
也不会有今天

暖风依旧守护着大树
调戏的大树的叶子
聊聊天

暖风决不让任何人伤害大树
一怒就卷走一切
大树在他的风眼里
倍受呵护

而云呢？
依旧在上方
偶尔下下雨

人生之灯

点燃一盏生之灯盏
时光的倒流
让后悔的悲哀,
无怨的喜悦
流向生命的死之源头
飞鸟和鱼的爱情
不再是不能一起的悲哀
鸟儿欲火焚
身成了凤凰
鱼儿奋力一跃
出了龙门
化身为龙
谁说它们离开了世俗的视线就不是幸福的存在？
蛇褪掉的不是一层挣扎而是透明的灵魂
所以它成了邪恶的魔鬼
它选择丢弃灵魂来换取行尸走肉的生
天堂之蝉无期复无期的等待
毅然抛弃了心之天堂
然后又穿上了丑陋的外衣
而蝴蝶已经美丽
不再是当初和它一起爬行的毛毛虫
谁说到了天堂就是幸福？
所有生之终结只是回到
陌生的死之最初 .

点一盏老之灯盏
独剪西窗的烛芯
微弱的灯光
霎时明亮了许多岁月
在你的额角
镂刻了几道忧伤的波纹
风霜
在你乌黑的头发
漂染了白雪的颜色
忽然觉得亏欠了你许多
总想远离你的唠叨
你的期待与怀疑的目光
您总觉得孩子弱小经不起风霜与岁月的打击
我离你越是远
心总是和你在一起
想你不是岁月催老
而是你爱之大手紧紧的把我抓劳
和那从不放弃的坚持爱的力气
慢慢消耗的缘故
总是怨恨自己的无能为力
流下懦弱和亏欠的眼泪
我愿用我透明的心，
纯洁的灵魂，
和一丝残存的梦想
换你不老的容颜。
我们是您一只手的五根手指
虽然有间隔却又是不分离。

点一盏病之灯盏
燃尽血液中的忧郁
从此没有忧郁
忧郁的眼神眼神里
弥散的诗意的坚定
死神微笑的站立在我的床头
他要带去我透明的灵魂到达另一个空心的世界
死神在床头意味着必死
在床尾意味着残生
一如活着的地方
是浮华的世界
死去的地方
是清静的天堂
天堂是地狱之外的世界还是地狱是天堂之外的世界？

点起死之灯盏的时候
我知道就要结束
不愿醒来的梦
它是那样的易碎与醒
多想那个王子可以放慢到我身边的脚步
那个王子的吻迟迟的不落下
久久不愿睁开还有我多情的眼睛
然而灯已点亮
我愿意用300首云淡的诗
换取你一颗透明的心
谁愿意用一千首风清的诗换取我的死？
然后王子哭着归来
公主笑着睁开沉睡已久的眼眸 .

点一盏爱别离之灯
让别离的蜡烛
永远燃烧着不息的爱之灯火
一座孤坟埋藏着的
只是朽木，枯骨，
最终也只剩下黄土
有一缕青烟
就在你一眨眼的瞬间
也随风消散了
庆幸还有一棵年轻的松树
离坟只有数步之隔
这微小的距离
也会在流年似水中消弭松树就挺拔在坟的黄土上
就像别离的灯盏熄灭了只余下无止息的爱 .

点一盏怨憎会之灯
灯火就成了怨的黑夜
憎的白昼的分隔
洁白的蝴蝶
贪恋芳香暗涌的花朵
而花朵却是恶魔的化身
恶魔之花偷去了蝴蝶的心灵
它怨恨花朵美丽的诱惑
花朵憎恶蝴蝶无心的飞翔
从此它飘荡在天涯
不久便厌恶天涯的漂泊
无依飞回百花园里
不再是贪恋芬芳的蝶
因为它要找回那颗水晶的心 .

我就居住在那盏阿拉丁神灯里
虽然我也有千年的愿望
却不能自我实现
与我无关的商时风唐时雨来袭
我就酣睡在灯盏内
我千年的愿望
就是人们再无需索和要求
如此我就可以永远沉睡在千年不变的梦里
人们总是扰乱了我的心
我的梦
别人的美梦成真了
我的梦却支离破碎的醒着.

生老病死爱别离怨憎恨，人生八苦，谁又逃得了？
滚滚红尘，分分离离，聚聚散散，
命运之轮一直在滚动
而我们只是游戏里的一个棋子
随时都可能被牺牲
随时都可能突破！将军！
短短的几十年
得来的是永无止尽的回忆
回忆啊回忆
我注定得到你
可在孟婆的陪伴下
我又失去了你
得得失失
人生的滚轮！
试问，
谁能逃离七情六欲？

CNY Aftermath

It had been 10 days in Kuching and I am back to KL again.
Class starts immediately without any delay.
Ms Yap continued her lecture as usual.

Everything happens too fast.
Yet, I could not accommodate myself to the changes.
I cant seem to get my butt up to start reading.
Probably this is due to the effect of long holidays.
I guess I need to get up soon
Taking the first step would definitely enable the things run

This year wont be an easy year.
There are a lot of tasks to be performed
Which a failure may lead to prolonged sorrow
I shall not let myself fall again
I shall not disappoint myself again
I must find a way to work my way out
Stop thinking of nonsense and start the engine
It's always easier to say than doing it.
I have to admit that.

Valentine's approaching!
What should I get for myself?
A gift to myself is rewarding
Maybe merely to deceive myself
But whatsoever,
I'm glad to deceive myself
That I have a gift!

Independent Variable

Obviously I wont be writing anything if there isnt any issue for me to write.
And today,
While waiting for the time to pass,
I decide to scribble something which was in my thought a few days ago.
The title is "Independent Variable"!

We must learn to be independent as we grow up.
However,
The process comprises a plethora of patterns and styles
differing from one another
That's the variable.....
But the ultimate goal is the same
To Be Independent!

What trigger my thought about this is that
Many parents nowadays send their children for tuition
The tuition encompasses formal and non-formal education
ie Academic subjects, musical lessons, religious lessons etc
The list is not exhaustive.
It could be said that the heating competition has contributed to this rise
To think on the right way,
It could be good ad beneficial.
But on the opposite side of the coin,
it hinders the development of independent skill
A skill which no one could ever teach one another
But for they themselves to discover what it means

Overtly reliance on another person could be dangerous
Reliance has made independence unable to fit into the picture
of what our youngsters' perception might have to their life
And without this criteria,
They are far-fetched from the real society.

It could be argued that extra-curricular activities would do the job
But I dont see how it is going through.
On the surface,
they are said to be independent.
Going deeper,
are they?
Could they really make decision on their own?
Could they bear the responsibility of their choice?

Some might say that the time would do the job
Preferably yes
But it wont always be the case.
It goes ultimately to what we need to discover ourselves

As the education level going higher,
We wont be able to hire tuition teacher to what we're studying
It's all on our own.
The independence and self-discipline.

Spoon-fed, breast-fed are particularly emphasised
Even so,
We must at least try our best
To learn ourselves
I have no objection that learning from others is a bad thing
But could we really
at all time
Got what we want just from other people?
We seek for knowledge
It is only we do it our own that we could secure ourselves the knowledge

Practically,
We must step up from what we're afraid of
All of us could be independent
But the very first step
We must conquer our fear of no confidence
Be independent, Be a thinker.
Wait for no one, achieve the flexibility
Wait for someone, prepare for the best team work.

Some people might work best in group
But that doesnt omit the requirement to be independent
It is even a greater challenge if we work in group
Reliance towards the group would water down the aim
Dont be the bad egg
Be the smart ass......

The New Leaf Sprouts

The Year 2011 comes expectantly
With greater challenges
With greater enjoyment
The whole holidays of waiting
For the college life to commence
Is really tiring
Due to unforeseen circumstances
It had been delayed to 10 Jan
And now it has been two days....

It starts off with a really annoying sickness
Where I am down with high fever on the first day
And now I am barely able to think and converse
All I need is silence and time
For the disease to heal
But the study life still goes on
Many asked me
Why do I go to college
When I'm such sick
Well,
It's the first lesson.

The first day - Land Law.
If Ms N continues in such a way
She might be good
But homework has its weight
A lot to read up
A lot to prepare...
A lot new terms
A lot of new exposure...

Second day - Company Law
Ms P is really a good actress.
She has bombastic expression
But somehow the pace is too fast
Especially for me who dont have any foundation
in business knowledge...
Coming from pure science stream still has its disadvantage
I need to read up more on this subject then

Ms P said lawyers are very good actors
They could venture into drama, business, media
They are great story tellers
Indeed the statement proves to be true
Evidence? She's it!
I love the metaphor she uses to describe something
She's indeed is a good lecturer.

Only two days
I could feel the pressure
for second year
And,
I could know how much hard work
I need to put into my studies
It's really bulky
Law is not everything on reading
But reading is very essential
Merely reading of thoughts are insufficient
Dissection still carries on
We must know the right tissues to pierce through
Recognise the right veins and arteries at the split of moment
In the correct manner,
Perform the surgery.

I hope my fever would not worsen
Hope to get well soon
The journey awaits
And I have too much to follow up
Too much to be mentioned
The train is moving now
It would not stop until it's supposed to

How I miss my first year subject
Indeed I have greater passion for crime
It just sparks my interest
And I know crime is the thing
The other three subjects are interesting too
But least compared to crime
And now -
Land, Company, Tort, Evidence
A total different area
A total different study skill
A total different understanding required
Different expectation
New lecturers
With varying styles
Hope I could cope with the Second Year
Indeed,
It is a serious thing
and not a course to be mess with.

Ripples of My Interest

Everything is still,
Everything is static,
For now...
Melting the spirit
Rejoice the nature
Feel the static
Feel the dynamic
No...
They are not motionless
They are vibrating
Too negligible to be mentioned
Too negligible to be noticed
It's their natural frequency
The frequency of vibration
The static vibration
Emitting unforeseenable electromagnetic waves
Interfering and clasing one another
Forming a wavefront that is
Unseenable
Untouchable.

The surface is still,
Water particles vibrate
in their position,
Forces around interfere,
Causing a shade of water interference
Ripples after ripples
Touching the stillness
Waking the asleep
Passing the motion
From the middle of the lake
to the surface of the whole lake
And when it touches its boundary
It reflects back
Bouncing endlessly
Passing the energy everywhere
Until once again
It would come to its end.
But when will the motion stop?
Who is to stop the inertia?

Nodame Cantabile,
The latest drama I've watched
After the success of its drama
It has finally released its Final Series
"交响情人梦最终章"
The story is about one couple
Who are estethically intoxicated into music
Are met with their life challenges.
But one thing ponder my mind,
What's the difficulty with their love?
Is that a must to be equal to be lover?
In this drama, Nodame is in loved with Chiyaki
But Chiyaki is a very successful orchestra conductor
Nodame, though endows with the gift to play piano
Would only deem to be the unpolished crystall
That would only shine upon shedding off the dust and dirt
She tried very hard to catch up Chiyaki's step.
Is that necessary?
Must love be that complicated where both must match each other?
Wouldnt it be good if each having their freedom to pursue each dream?

The drama has inspired me to write this blog.
It's not only about the drama,
But about what I got from it.
First of all,
it has definitely trigger my old interest,
Returning my world back to music
Where musical notes swirling around
The five lines of music sheets
Divine symbols emanating around the notes
Making absolute ornament as accessories
Beautifully articulated tempo and volumn
But without a good waiver,
The music is dead.
I do admit I'm not up to the standard
Starting to learn piano since form 2
Starting with contemporary piano instead of classical
I dont earn the skill and technique of a competent player
I do envy those who are endowed with the skill
But please dont get misunderstood.
I do not desire to hear the thunderous applause,
to be taken by the hand of the conductor
Acknowledging the standing ovation
Receiving bouquet
Reading the glowing pres notices.
I merely want to match the professionalism
to play as fluently
to memorise as completely
to express the composer's intention as deeply.

I could not sit down and play a Chopin ballade
or a devilishly difficult piece of Liszt with consummate,
almost contemptuous ease.
That requires talent?
I guess I could never do it in a thousand years
With hard work? Perhaps
I used to tell myself that I could if I practised more.
Now I merely recognise that gift in others.
I hope one day I could, too
To satisfy my satisfaction
As I enjoy a wide variety of composers
and would like to extend my repertoire.
I would love to hold each piece however long, in my memory
And to be able to think exclusively of the interpretation
as my fingers automatically translated the score into sound.
That must be only a dream.
But the drama has spiced up my interest
Again to touch the world of piano
Perhaps I could work on the simplistic score beforehand.

The drama also taught me the meaning of perfection
There would be no perfection
But near perfection might be achievable
And we must do our best to this stage
To strike for perfection in everything we do
As we may not know whether we have the chance again or not
And if we have it,
The next time,
We must do even better to outweight the past
Stretching our limit
To go beyond our limit of the past
Over our boundary
To reach another realm
Bypassing what we think we are
It may sound simple,
But it comes with price
A price that not much could pay
The power to fight ourselves
Something that is really abstract
How many of us could do that?
How many of us could really say no
To the lure of desire?
The seven sins?
It requires great courage
Be brave and bold
At some be sensitive to tiny details
Again,
A balance must be achieved.

The drama surrounds mostly love
The theme of love
But it depicts a great complexity
Changing oneself to suit for another
To reach to their world
To be a person to whom he likes
Definitely it is a process of love
Where unconsciously
Each of us are changing
But without our realisation
Gradually losing what we originally hold
What's the outcome? Good or bad?
It seems to be no justification.
Sometimes it may be true,
We cant control as what we thing
The nature will take its course
Therefore,
Although I disagree with the theme
But I do agree it is a process of love
This remind me of a song I used to play
"Love changes Everything".

PS: Worth time to watch. Funny and entertaining. Enjoyable music too! ^_^
Nodame Cantabile Drama 1~13,
Notame Cantabile Paris Edition,
Nodame Cantabile Final Scene (released 2010)